Hope Renewed

Weary I and

in despair

these tattered remnants

of my soul.

My heart torn and

ripped apart

my life a quilt of

patched up dreams.

Yet in among the

rags and scraps.

I found a needle

a single spool.

A button

A bow

A piece of wool.

Dear Lord,

before I know

I find a pattern

and begin to sew.

As I Roll On...

The days go by as I try to manage pain that never quite goes away. My back disability has certainly challenged my life. I know there's a "God Plan" in all this; I just don't know what it is? What I do know is my life has been turned upside down and inside out for over a year now and it doesn't look like anything will change in the near future.

It's been a roller coaster ride between desperate despair and hopeful optimism. Many times I've questioned God has to the reasons or what He wants from me. I haven't found any satisfying answers; so I roll on.

I believe all things that happen in life produce consequences. Whether the results are good or bad depends entirely on how I react to any given situation. I can't always control what occurs; I can control how I respond. Out of that comes the consequence... So, how best to respond to this situation??

I have to admit that I haven't responded entirely positive to this disability. On the 10th of this month I've been unable to work for one year. I can't believe a whole year has flown by? It's been difficult on all my loved ones. As I indicated, I roll between doing well and not so well. It has directly affected my family, especially Hubby. This experience goes far beyond changing my life but, has also redefined my marriage as well.

I doubt the average person has any idea how a disability can disrupt an individual, a family and a marriage. Plans that once were in place have to be changed, activities once enjoyed either can't be done anymore or have to be adapted to the disability. Emotional responses are affected and everyone has to deal with extremes in behavior until acceptance of limitations is complete. There is no way to prepare for these changes because they are unpredictable and unexpected.

Nevertheless, whether I understand why this has happened to me or not, I want to do my utmost to grow from this situation and become a better person. All my beliefs are being challenged and I'm having to look deep inside for answers. I have to trust God as I blindly roll with the punches. Out of this situation I can become stronger, more directed and on a new course. Sometimes we must be thrown from horse not to get back on the same one, but to change horses.

A Dream come True

My hubby called me yesterday and asked what I thought about going ahead and borrowing money to finish the renovation project on our home. What I thought??? My goodness, I thought; "Yippee, Yahoo!!"

To give a little history; our home is 34 years old and in bad need of an upgrading. Yes, we do still have shag carpeting!! Anyway, we started this upgrade 5 or more years ago and although it has moved along and one floor of our two-story home is almost completed, there is still lots to do inside and out. My hubby has been doing most of the work as time and money allows. Herein lies the problem...time and money has come in short, little bursts; thus the delay. I have been waiting patiently and living in the middle of a reno for far too long. To contract it out and have it completed in a few short months would be absolutely heavenly!

This project includes new siding, windows and roof on the outside. New kitchen cabinets, hardwood flooring in living/dining rooms and yes, new carpeting. Oh how I'll miss that old, gold shag...NOT!! We will also, be finishing the basement into a loverly games room.

Although I'm not excited about having my life upset more with workmen running around my home; it'll be worth the short-term pain. I pray the loan works out and everything comes together as planned. I will keep you posted as I endeavor to select new carpeting, paint, kitchen cabinets, hardwood, etc., etc.

This is all very mind-boggling, but I am delighted and thrilled with the expectation. God willing; it has been a long time coming...

My Daily Life

I can't believe I haven't posted since April! How pathetic is that? Surely I must have more going on in my life than the "Once in a blue moon" event in which I consider worthy of posting?

This is my problem. I feel I need to wait for some eventful happening or benevolent insight before I post; which naturally doesn't happen with any regularity. So, this means any loyal followers are going to find my meandering scripts few and far between. No doubt with such a drought in postings my followers are bound to drift off to more fertile fields, which I don't blame them.

So, I'll forget about waiting for those divinely inspired revelations (should I be blessed by their happenings) and simply keep my followers engaged with all my electrifying day-to-day deeds. Ahhh, this could be interesting since I'm stuck at home with a back injury and am often left to gravel at the feet of the LOCAL newspaper just to discover what's been happening in my world.

No matter. I will attempt to enthrall my followers with astonishing and unforeseen episodes for my daily life!! I bet you can hardly wait to see where this could lead me? Think of the potential! My excursions to the basement to do laundry! Daily check-ups on Oprah, Doc Phil, Ozland and Ellen should supply endless posting material! My feeble attempts to get my life in order...oh I could go on and on, but better for you to just check in regularly. Hope to see you soon...