I've wasted too much time mourning the past and wishing I could have a do-over. This would be nice and most of us would take advantage of a chance to "fix" what we perceive as wrongdoings from our past. But then I suddenly realized that if I were able to change things I may do more harm than good.
More harm by fixing things? Really?
I believe that God is ultimately in charge of all things, including me. At least, that what I say...but in reality I have been a control freak all my life. (I just recently admitted to this shortcoming) If I felt I was in control, then how could God be in control, too? Impossible!
Well, not really impossible. God just let me think I was in charge. He did give us freewill after all. So, let's just say that while I was freely making my own choices, he was sitting back allowing me to have my way. This is much like a parent does with their child. We warn, advise and direct our children about many things, but often when they refuse to be directed we just allow them to discover we were right. Suffice it to say, God let me do as I wanted when I refused to be directed.
God knew the mistakes I would make and the regrets I would have because of them. In each mistake I learned a lesson and eventually came to place where I know now my Heavenly Father really is wiser than I. Ah! Doesn't this sound familiar when adult children suddenly realize their parents were smarter than they thought?
God in his infinite wisdom lets his children run amok when they refuse to listen knowing that eventually most of us will grow up and realize his ways are the right ways. He loves us enough to allow us to have freewill.
So no do-overs allowed! But many lessons learned...
I am NOT in control!
What a relief!
Wednesday, September 7, 2011
Monday, September 5, 2011
This has gone on long enough
I live with chronic pain caused by osteo-arthritis and a back condition that requires surgery in order to be fixed. I've been in pain 24/7 for over 2 years waiting for this surgery. This has got to be the hardest thing I have ever had to do.
I remember when I was young and pregnant. Toward the end of the nine months I felt so heavy and uncomfortable in my body that I thought it might drive me mad. That lasted only 2 or 3 months and it wasn't painful, just very uncomfortable. If I'd only known how easy that was compared to now, I wouldn't have complained. It is all relative.
I am sure there are states of being even worse than I feel now; I just hope they are very brief because living with pain that is constant and unending is hard to describe. Imagine having a toothache for two years that flairs up into worse pain at least once and usually twice a day? Imagine trying to sleep with this pain? Or function normally? Try putting on a happy face before family and friends because you don't want to be a constant burden to them and there is nothing they can do anyway. It is a tough act to carry off.
The worst of it all has to be the lack of compassion you receive from the medical profession. It isn't an emergency so, no one seems to care. What have we come to as a society when we seem unable to respond with concern to a chronic problem? There are millions of folks just like me who live in incessant pain, but aren't bleeding to death or suffering a severe trauma. It seems we can wait at the bottom of the list for medical care.
I am so tired of hearing about long wait lines, lack of surgeons, shortage of bed space and no operating rooms. Do something about it! Hire more surgeons, open more hospitals! Quit wasting money on deco art and trips to the Caribbean! Get rid of superfluous government staff that suck up millions of wasted dollars contributing nothing to no one. Stop the senseless and meaningless surveys that everyone with common sense already knows the answer. These are only a few examples of money wasted that could be used to staff and build more medical facilities.
The government doesn't seem to get it that the population is getting older and there are going to be more and more folks with chronic conditions that need compassionate and timely medical care. I didn't even know I was developing osteo-arthritis until it began to hurt. Even then I was ignored and brushed off until the pain became so bad I could hardly walk. Why was I ignored? There is something wrong with a world that needs blood, guts and gore in order to give responsive attention. Maybe I should have thrown myself off a bridge so, I could get a doctor to listen?
This has gone on long enough! When I finally get the surgery and I'm feeling strong again, I may just get militant about all the money wasted by our government officials while thousands upon thousands of us lowly taxpayers suffer in silence.
I remember when I was young and pregnant. Toward the end of the nine months I felt so heavy and uncomfortable in my body that I thought it might drive me mad. That lasted only 2 or 3 months and it wasn't painful, just very uncomfortable. If I'd only known how easy that was compared to now, I wouldn't have complained. It is all relative.
I am sure there are states of being even worse than I feel now; I just hope they are very brief because living with pain that is constant and unending is hard to describe. Imagine having a toothache for two years that flairs up into worse pain at least once and usually twice a day? Imagine trying to sleep with this pain? Or function normally? Try putting on a happy face before family and friends because you don't want to be a constant burden to them and there is nothing they can do anyway. It is a tough act to carry off.
The worst of it all has to be the lack of compassion you receive from the medical profession. It isn't an emergency so, no one seems to care. What have we come to as a society when we seem unable to respond with concern to a chronic problem? There are millions of folks just like me who live in incessant pain, but aren't bleeding to death or suffering a severe trauma. It seems we can wait at the bottom of the list for medical care.
I am so tired of hearing about long wait lines, lack of surgeons, shortage of bed space and no operating rooms. Do something about it! Hire more surgeons, open more hospitals! Quit wasting money on deco art and trips to the Caribbean! Get rid of superfluous government staff that suck up millions of wasted dollars contributing nothing to no one. Stop the senseless and meaningless surveys that everyone with common sense already knows the answer. These are only a few examples of money wasted that could be used to staff and build more medical facilities.
The government doesn't seem to get it that the population is getting older and there are going to be more and more folks with chronic conditions that need compassionate and timely medical care. I didn't even know I was developing osteo-arthritis until it began to hurt. Even then I was ignored and brushed off until the pain became so bad I could hardly walk. Why was I ignored? There is something wrong with a world that needs blood, guts and gore in order to give responsive attention. Maybe I should have thrown myself off a bridge so, I could get a doctor to listen?
This has gone on long enough! When I finally get the surgery and I'm feeling strong again, I may just get militant about all the money wasted by our government officials while thousands upon thousands of us lowly taxpayers suffer in silence.
Saturday, September 3, 2011
Subscribe to:
Posts (Atom)