The Heart of the Family

Today I’m preparing a birthday supper for my son-in-law. His birthday was actually Monday, but today was the convenient day for everyone to come over and break bread together. I’ve had several cancels due to illness and moving blues, but the guest list still includes 8 adults 3 granddaughters and 1 wee grandson. These birthday suppers have become a tradition and although originally confined to our immediate family of 4; now include 2 son-in-laws, 3 granddaughters, 1 grandson, 6 adopted adult children and 4 more grandchildren! These added family members are of the heart rather than blood, which brings me to the topic of this blog. Sorry, it isn’t going to be a blow by blow account of the birthday supper; menu and all that jazz. Ah gee.

What constitutes family? I grew up believing it meant related by blood whether I knew them or not. Anyone else was outside the circle. My parents weren’t particularly close to their siblings so; I never had any real relationships with Aunties, Uncles or Cousins. I did however grow up around a varied assortment of my parent’s friends some of which I grew quite fond of. A few felt like family, but in my heritage they were not blood and therefore not to be called Auntie, Uncle or any other familiar endearment. Sort of mystified me, but heh, I was a kid and that’s how it was. Then I grew up...

By the time I was married with children of my own, my father had passed on and my mother had become very sick with Alzheimer’s disease. My own siblings had moved on and weren’t overly taken with being enthusiastic kin to my children. My husband’s family lived a far distance away. I felt very sick at heart that my kids were missing out on real family interactions; which of course, had to be blood-related according to how I’d been tutored. What could I do? I couldn’t magically create family for them; now could I? Or could I?

It occurred to me that my husband and I had friends that felt closer than a brother. Our sisters and brothers of the heart could be my children’s family. Why not? Where was it written that we had to be blood related? Short of digging out the knife and doing the archaic ritual of becoming blood relatives with every close friend, (which sad to say, I tried once in an especially sentimental and inebriated state with a dear girlfriend – another story...) I brought down the house on my parents beliefs. Any friend who felt like family was adopted into our clan with love and generosity of the spirit. It felt right. It felt good.

It all started quite small and unremarkable. A sister here, a mother there and a couple of adopted kids added for fun. Soon our “family” grew and grew to a wholesome total of around 14! Not to mention the couple of complementary son-in-laws tossed into the mix! It was great! Our little foursome eventually became a very large family of about 20 and counting! Oh the chaos, noise and mess when we all gather for events like birthday suppers! Who could ask for more?

Will we add more family accomplices? Who knows? It depends where our hearts lead us. All I know as my husband and I grow older is that there is nothing more precious than family regardless blood or heart. Nothing like the warmth, fellowship and yes, even the chaos that a large family brings to the table. What a banquet we’ve been given!