Answered Prayer

I recently got the news that I’ll likely need back surgery in the near future. To give some history; I originally injured my back at work over two years ago and shortly thereafter I took a not so graceful fall down our stairwell. The short of this is that I severely messed up my lower back and since August of last year I’ve been unable to work and am in constant pain.

It has been a very difficult time; a life changing time. I was one of those persons who would go, go, go, until I dropped. Not that I never relaxed; don’t get me wrong. I spent most evenings after the day’s work was done relaxing aka exhausted. Evenings for many years have been my precious time for solitude. This time is what recharged me for the next day’s work and work was my focus. The old adage “If you want something done; do it yourself” was my mantra. I felt drained, sleep-deprived and generally horrid. Sadly, despite these physical warnings, I carried on thinking one day there`ll be time to slow down and smell the roses.

Well, let me say, a back injury brought about that day. At first I tried to hobble through my work attempting to keep up; not asking for help and creating more pain, more exhaustion. I WAS NOT going to admit I needed help or I couldn`t do it. I refused to listen to loved ones, co-workers or even medical professionals. There was work to be done and I needed to do it! Stubborn arrogance! Stupidity!

The pain kept intensifying until it brought me to my knees and after several pity parties and many emotional tears God revealed to me that it was actually an answer to prayer. An answer to prayer! Being disabled! No one wants this kind of pain! I didn`t pray for pain! Was He crazy? Ah, but He reminded me, I had prayed for balance, simplicity, peace....

Epiphany arrived! God had been trying to show me for years how to slow down and achieve the life I really desired. Upon reflection I knew in my soul that I`d heard Him, but chose to ignore that ``Still, small voice``. I realized that my poor choices had brought me to this time in my life and it was no accident. I wanted my life to be simpler, but chose not to follow the route that would achieve it. Now I was forced to follow. It really was my answer to prayer, the hard way!

What lessons have I learned? Although it hasn`t been easy and quite out of character, I`m learning to delegate and ask for help. I`ve humbled myself and admit I`m not super-woman and can`t do everything. I`m learning to appreciate that tasks can be done over time and still get done. In fact, I think despite my disability I`m actually getting more accomplished over the long run because I accept help and pace myself in more constructive manner. Surprise! Surprise! There really is another way to live an accomplished life! Things still get done and I don`t have to do them all! Who knew?

I`m still a work in progress. You don`t unring a bell overnight, but despite the constant pain, I truly feel more at peace than I have in years. Life has become simpler and less rushed. I rest through the day and even take a nap. Oh the virtues of napping; another day`s blog!

It`s been a rough road to travel and it`s not over. I still must face surgery and don`t know if this will become a permanent disability, but I trust God`s ways. I`m learning to listen to the voice inside that possesses all the true wisdom. There`s nothing like a life-altering event to transform your focus. This truly has been an answer to prayer and I thank God for it; well most of the time anyway....