Today is a Good Day

Now that I know it's going to be at least another year or more before I get surgery for my back I've decided I need to move on with my life. I've been on hold for almost a year waiting to see what will happen next. I am so very tired of letting my physical limitations and pain rule my plans. I really feel as if the pain has taken control, but no more!

Today I begin to make plans for myself that obviously have to take this disability into account, but it doesn't have to own my plans. Because my back is in such bad condition I'm going to assume that even after surgery I won't be able to return to my homecare job and I'll still have certain physical limits. With this in mind, I'll make my plans.

I will be 55 this year and although not young any longer, I don't feel ready for a rocking chair either. I have good friends and a wonderful family who do fill my time with activities, but I want to pursue more than just a social life.

Being older also, causes me to be painfully aware of the time I've already wasted or thrown away waiting for that ideal time to chase my dreams. I realize now there is no ideal time, no perfect moment or guarantees.

So, my first task is to reevaluate my lifelong goals and decide what I want to follow now that I'm in my mid-life. I'm certain there will be changes and updates as I'm not the same gal I once was when younger. I'll set about doing some serious soul searching and dusting off of old dreams.

It's been a long time since I earnestly thought about what I want to leave behind when I'm gone, but I don't want to just be here and take up space. The pain and disability may limit some of what I do or how I do it, but as Oprah says, I want to live my best life. So, today is a good day to begin.