In search of Freedom

Okay, here’s the deal. I have been smoking for almost 40 years! Yes, FORTY years! It’s hard to believe, even for me. How could I have let this very bad habit continue for so long? Well, as with many things, the time went by and I just never really thought how long I been filling my body with poison; until now.

I have been off work for seven months due to a back injury. It looks like I will need surgery and although scared at the thought of someone cutting around my spinal cord; I will be relieved to either be pain free or living with tolerable pain. The prognosis is that I will always have a weakened, painful back and am unlikely to be able to return to my line of work; which is in health care.

So what as this got to do with smoking? Well, I’ve had seven months in which I haven’t felt well and have had plenty of time to think about oodles of things; my overall health being one of them. I know all the reasons why smoking is bad for me; I haven’t lived in the backwoods for the past 20 years. I know my health is suffering and I have shortened my life because of this nasty habit. Yet, in the past when I have tried to quit because of the health reasons it just didn’t cut the mustard. Maybe it should’ve but, it just didn’t give me the motivation I needed. So be it. It is what it is. I needed more reason than health to convict me and finally I believe I have found it.

It started with prayer. I asked God to help me in any way He could to have the desire and drive to quit. Two things have happened to get me to this point where I feel determined to be free. Being disabled has led me to think about getting older and how I want to live the rest of my life. The fact that all my future plans have been altered and the lifestyle I was living is finished has shown me how precarious and precious life is. It has also, exposed how smoking really makes me feel. Being less busy and preoccupied I’ve become aware of the toxic effects smoking causes; headaches, queasy stomach and general malaise. I’ve also, noticed more how it smells, tastes etc. Yuck! I have grown to quite dislike smoking. I believe God has used this time to compel me to really take stock of why I smoke and what it’s really doing to me. Fortunately for me these 40 years of polluting my lungs hasn’t caused the damage it could’ve or should’ve. My doctors and I are surprised as we should be. I believe this to be another blessing from God and I dare not take it for granted.

Reason two is the reality of the financial cost. At three hundred dollars or more a month I can’t help thinking what this money could truly add to my life versus destroy it. When I quit my hubby is going to tuck away the three hundred dollars to be used on the countless extras we can add to our life. Things like a brand new kitchen, purchasing a cottage lot, etc. This extra wealth can do so much more for us than be thrown away on a slow demise.

So, hopefully I’ve finally found the motivation to go through the hard part. I really don’t want to keep going through the initial quitting so, my goal over the next two weeks is to fully prepare myself mentally & spiritually that although it will feel like I’m losing a lifetime friend, it is a friend that has been slowly killing me. Friends like that I don’t want or need. I’ll do all the strategies suggested and pray, pray, pray.

I will be has ready as I can be by April 1st, so I can begin my journey toward freedom for the first time in my adult life. No longer do I desire to play this extremely risky and foolish game with my life. God has blessed me and protected me for forty long years. It is time to show some gratitude. Amen!

FREEDOM!! FREEDOM!! My new mantra!