Comparing and Competing

This is a perfect time of year to compare and compete. I remember as a child going back to school after Christmas and having to say if front of the entire class what I got from Santa. I wasn’t one of those who got the shiny new bike, the brand new watch or the Barbie dream house. I dreaded it every year and was one of my earliest experiences of comparing and competing. I never measured up.

It’s said that comparing will make you either vain or bitter. I became bitter. As I grew older the bitterness gave way to arrogance and judgement; not exactly virtues. For a long time I always made sure I compared myself to those that I considered less so I could feel superior. It was a convenient strategy. Try as I might to avoid anyone who might excel above me, it wasn’t hard to find others who surpassed me in some way. Then there I’d be, back in grade school, feeling horrible about myself and my life. I hated feeling that way!

Living this way was wretched and I spent a great deal of my 20’s and 30’s constantly comparing and competing feeling either insufferably arrogant or impossibly depressed. I knew this wasn’t how we were meant to be with one another or how to best live my life. I just didn’t know how to break the cycle.

Finally, after much introspection and prayer, I got a revelation about what comparing and competing really meant. I realized that we aren’t all created with the same talents and abilities. Everyone has their own special attributes that we need to discover within ourselves. We must learn to be content with what we’ve be given and then do all we can to design our best lives given these attributes. We can waste our time and talent trying to outdo others or invest it improving on what we’ve been given. Certainly it’s impossible not to notice if someone is more talented or possesses something you’d like, but we can choose to appreciate and admire them, rather than be green with envy. We may be able to learn something from them if we’re not filled with malice. I finally realized that comparing and competing outside me will destroy my happiness and create an atmosphere of intense pressure to be something I’m not. I made a decision to choose differently.

Is there a place for comparing and competing in our life? I believe it should be confined to our own goals and dreams and contained within our accomplishments. Even if we’re involved in a competitive sport or profession; we’d do well to focus on own performance and work only on our aptitudes rather than focusing on everyone else’s. There’d be far more sportsmanship if our attentiveness remained on our own performance.

There’d be no need to cheat or undermine others. In everyday life we wouldn’t resent our family or friends for their successes. There’d be no need to keep up with the “Jones”. If we were our only competition, we’d live with far more contentment with what we have and who we are. It’d eliminate jealousy, pettiness and set up an atmosphere of cooperation and support. Ultimately, we’d accomplish much more if we were humble enough to ask for advice or help.

If we, as adults would strive to set an healthy example of competition and comparison instead of acting like raving, judgemental, cheating lunatics who can’t stand even our “best” friends to outshine us; then perhaps our children may grow up feeling much more self-assured that the talents and gifts God gave them are enough. Then they could simply be content being the best of who they are and who they can become. Really, isn’t that what we all want?